In-Laws: Daniel Dill

(To fill in the blanks listen to the Podcast which is available by request)

Rolling Stone

In-law Pearls

September 22, 2013

“And He answered and said, ‘Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said “for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh?”’” – Matthew 19:4-5

Genesis 2:18-25

-Everything was very good.

-Man was alone, this was not good.  (The first thing that wasn’t good)

-God creates a tangible helper, not that God is not tangible - because He is enough for man.

-The first example of cleaving to one that was created for him. 

-The order of v24-25 is very important!

1) _________ and _________, THEN      2) __________ and _____________. 

We learned last week:

Leave = to forsake dependence on

Cleave = a strong bonding together, used to represent gluing or cementing

How can parents be a blessing to you, as a married couple?

How can parents be a challenge to you, as a married couple?

à Problems or issues with in-laws are either a directly result of the in-laws themselves or due to a failure to cleave as husband and wife.

               

Discussion:

                What are some unhealthy ways that couples involve their parents in their marriage?

                What are some unhealthy ways that parents force their involvement in their kid’s marriage?

-Favoritism/comparison

-Intrusiveness

-Parenting styles

-Unsolicited advice

-Emotional dependence

-Financial advice

-Manipulation

àA large portion of marital discord can be traced back to a failure to actually follow the command to leave. There’s a word for this…disobedience. 

àIt is possible to leave/cleave in a way that honors our parents (and your in-laws) but also sets very clear boundaries and expectations by which the new marital relationship begins to be established and to take priority.

In relation to marriage, how many different viewpoints are there?

Proverbs 29:11

-Chocolate milk, unity candles, a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken.

Value of a friend: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 

Gen 2 is not an excuse to simply distance yourselves from in-law either.  This weakens the marriage. 

Exodus 20:12

How do you balance the commands: “leave and cleave” and “honor your father and mother”?

Why is it that marriages are so greatly affected by this issue of “crazy” or “nutty” in-laws?

-Being ONE is key. In-laws/parents may influence ANY aspect of the marriage, creating distance between the husband and wife, which in turn can destroy the marriage.

                -Satan will use any tactic available to break down the structure of the family unit.

                -Unhealthy relationships with in-laws can also be one of Satan’s tools for destroying marriages.

Ultimately John 10:10 - Satan has been after the marriage since the beginning.

Ephesians 5:22-33

Discussion:

What is the safest way to work through in-law issues? (Eccl 4)

Have you ever made a decision that was unpopular with in-laws/parents?

How do you patiently and lovingly point out to the other what influences his/her parents are having?

So how do we make peace with our in-laws?

1. What’s the Bible say about it? Pray for our enemies!

                -But first take care of the 2x4 sticking out of your eye! Be willing to change.

2. Unity between husband and wife.

How can you strengthen your role as a spouse in resolving conflicts with parents?

How do you as a couple resolve to find peace with your parents and what practical steps have you taken? Have you gone to the Scripture for wisdom – any particular verses?

In Closing:

-In-laws can be a huge blessing on your marriage.

-Wisdom can come from those who have been there.

-Working through issues with in-laws can strengthen the marriage and improve communication.

-The ultimate goal in the marriage is unity.