Marriage Tip Monday

Make a commitment to do what's right when it comes to honoring your marriage.  This can be a great conversation between you and your spouse!  Find out what's important to each other (not being demeaning in public, guarding what you view on the internet, speaking respectfully in disagreements, etc.) and then discuss regularly. It's not about being perfect; it's about building trust and intimacy through honesty, respect, forgiveness, and cheering each other on!

Union 28

Marriage Tip Monday

Can You Dish It Out?

And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me." Luke 9:23

Did you know there are four ways for a man to load a dishwasher?

1. The way he's been trained by his mother.
2. The way his wife likes it done.
3. The way he does it at his mother-in-law's house.
4. The way he does it when no one's looking.

Now, is one of these methods right and all the others wrong? Can't a man just cram in as many pots and pans and bowls and plates as possible, in whatever arrangement it takes to get the door closed?

Can any woman prove me wrong on this with absolute certainty?

Sure, the proper dishwasher loading method is not a big marriage deal. But it's an example of those little tastes and preferences we have, those minor points of difference that can often fester into major arguments and problems.

If you're going to keep the little things your spouse does from becoming real irritants and obstacles in your relationship, you need to deny yourself, like Jesus said in today's verse. Rather than insisting that your way is right in matters of minor importance, let some stuff go. Rather than nagging and nitpicking-which is like being nibbled to death by a duck-express your dislikes in ways that don't rankle and threaten and lead to even bigger blowups.

Throughout your marriage, you'll have hundreds, perhaps thousands, of opportunities like these to either die to yourself or rise up in your own defense. Remember that there are a lot worse things in life than rewashing the cereal bowls. And yes, I do know how to load a dishwasher now- since 1972, Barbara has been training me!

DISCUSS
What is something your spouse does that drives you crazy? Can you cover it with grace?

PRAY
Thank you Lord Jesus for setting us an everyday example of patience in His dealings with us.

This was taken from the book Bobby and I are reading called Moments with You by Dennis & Barbara Rainey. We love reading this book every night! And in our house, Bobby is training me to load the dishwasher correctly :-)

Affair Proofing Your Marriage

This came from Lysa Terkeurt's blog. She is the president of Proverbs 31 ministries, as well as a bestselling author.  


"Charles Spurgeon is quoted to have said, “It’s not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.”
When my husband and I got married we had a tough time transitioning from being two strong-willed independent people into a unified couple.  We didn’t have huge marriage issues to overcome — we had a lot of little everyday annoyances that started to chip away at the foundation of our relationship.
Slowly, we stopped seeing all we had and started focusing on all that was lacking in each other.
Honestly, enjoying each other got lost in all the efforts to fix each other.  If you’ve ever been in this place with a relationship, you know how disillusioning it can be.  You know how it can open your marriage up to a world of attack and the temptation to think, “Did I marry the wrong person?  I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.”
One day I was pouring my heart out to God in utter frustration.  I desperately wanted to get off the hamster wheel of aggravation we seemed to be stuck on.  We just kept going around and around with what was lacking in our relationship but never made any effort to progress in doing something right.
As I was praying, an idea popped into my head… The Love Jar Activity.
This would be an activity where each of us would have a jar with 5 slips of paper inside.  Art would write one thing on each of his papers that I could do for him that would speak love to him.  And I would do the same with my papers.
Then we’d switch jars and once a week for 5 weeks straight, we’d draw a piece of paper from each other’s jar.  Whatever that paper suggested, we’d do that special thing for the other person sometime during that week.
Of course, we established some parameters going into the game that fit our schedules and budget.  And I can’t say Art was jumping up and down when I introduced this idea to him… but eventually he warmed up to the idea and in the end wound up loving it!
As the weeks went on this simple activity did 3 crucial things in our relationship…
1.  It reintroduced a sense of fun that had gotten lost in the minutia of life.
2.  It taught us how important it is to be a life long student of your mate… Really seeking to understand how this other person receives love and needs to be loved.
3.  It reminded us that love is a choice.  We can’t rely on “that loving feeling” to always find us… we have to choose love and let the feelings follow.
Honestly, I think this simple activity did more to help recapture the love in our relationship than anything else we could have done in this really tough season."

She goes on to mention two different books of hers: Capture Her Heart for the guys, and Capture His Heart for the girls.

Marriage Tip Monday

Communication involves listening and speaking in a loving manner. Practice speaking in a way that encourages your spouse to listen. In the heat of the moment, put the dramatics aside and speak in a controlled manner with kindness and a guarded tongue. The goal is to facilitate understanding not to start a war.

From Union 28

The Meaning of Marriage

Sunday we started our new study that follows along with the book The Meaning of Marriage. Brad brought a great message on our our marriages should look completely different from society's views on marriage. Our marriages should be Christ-centered and divorce should not even be an option!

One thing Bobby and I agreed on when we got married was to completely take that word out of our vocabulary. We don't even joke about it! You never can tell if that joking is half serious, or if it truly is just a joke. Sometimes that's hard because I will find myself about to say something (of course joking 100%) and I have to bite my tongue because I know that would cause some serious damage!

Another thing I heard that I agreed with was not saying anything negative about your spouse in front of other people. And I think it should go even further and I will say never in front of your parents! People tend to hold on to negatives and they will always remember that one time you said something bad about your spouse. Just don't do it! :-)


Have a great week Rolling Stoners! I can't wait to see what next Sunday brings us.

Marriage Tip Monday

Your body language makes all the difference when interacting with your spouse. This week, practice listening with your face – communicating love and respect by giving your full attention with a good attitude. 

From Union 28

Marriage Tip Monday

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year! I can't believe 2012 is here already. Due to being in vacation mode, here's Marriage Tip Monday on a Tuesday. This came from yahoo...surprise they actually do have good relationship advice sometimes :-)

Keep your relationship from feeling too platonic by making sure that nonsexual touching is a part of your everyday interaction with your partner, advises Dr. Block. That means a warm hug, an arm around the waist, a shoulder massage or caressing your partner's hand. Men especially respond to touch as a conveyance of affection, and it fulfills an intrinsic need for attachment that everyone craves--plus, it doesn't take any additional time out of your day. Also keep in mind that when people feel appreciated they are more likely to extend appreciation in return. "As busy as you might be, take a minute or two to leave a sexy note in lipstick on the bathroom mirror, or write a naughty letter and hide it in the book he's reading," suggests Denay. Or create a "Love Arsenal" for sneak attacks: "Fill a box with his favorite candies and romantic cards so that when you want to show him you care you have the goods on hand," says Denay. "The romantic quotient is turned up a notch when someone finds something unexpected, and the benefits you'll reap are worth a hundred times the effort."