Today's marriage devotional comes from here and is by James Dobson
On Target
“Get a new heart and a new spirit.” Ezekiel 18:31
Maybe you heard the story about the day Lisa finally had enough. Her
husband, Greg, loved to shoot. An expert marksman, he traveled widely to
compete against other enthusiasts, and occasionally he brought home a
trophy. But Lisa had no interest in marksmanship. In fact, she didn’t
like guns—period. To make matters worse, she missed her husband terribly
while he was away pursuing his hobby.
One day it dawned on her that their relationship was in trouble. That
was the day Lisa finally had enough. Lisa asked Greg to teach her how to
shoot a rifle, then joined him in his travels. Soon she decided to
compete at the shooting events. To Lisa’s surprise, she liked firing a
rifle. And to her husband’s surprise, Lisa was a very good shot. She
even started bringing home more trophies than he did. But of the prizes
they brought home, one stood out above all the rest: Their marriage
seemed reborn. The time they spent together at their newfound common
interest helped them develop a closeness that simply hadn’t existed
before.
Lisa’s story is a good reminder that what seems like an obstacle might
really be an opportunity. Creative, committed couples discover this
secret everyday. Just ask a husband who’s learned to love ballroom
dancing or a wife who’s gotten hooked on fly fishing. That’s because the
best times always seem to come in pairs.
Just between us . . .
• When was the last time we tried a new activity together?
• Did you enjoy it? Why or why not?
• Are there activities keeping us apart that we could do together?
Dear God, we ask for fresh determination to explore new interests
and activities together. Where our marriage would be strengthened by
playing together, help us let go of the old habits and assumptions that
keep us apart. Amen.
Showing posts with label Advice on Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Advice on Marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Lost the "love feeling"?
This blog is a devotional from Girlfriends in God. Check it out here.
Today’s Truth
“Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love,” (Revelation 2:4 NIV).
Friend to Friend
“We’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’,” the guys crones on the radio. And I sit there and think to myself, “Stop whining man! Love’s not a feelin’ in the first place. That was your problem to being with!”
Now, that sounds a little cynical, I know. But can I be honest? I get so weary of people talking about falling in and out of love, like it is something you can turn off and on like an electric blanket to warm you up on a chilly night. Love is a commitment. I married my husband because I loved him. Now I love him because I married him. If we let our hearts be jerked around because how we’re feeling on any given day, then we’re headed on a never ending roller coaster ride that will leave us heart sick and soul sore. (I’m feeling feisty today. Can you tell?)
OK, so what do you do if you’ve “lost that lovin’ feelin’”? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were. Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now take them for granted. What do you do now?
Here’s a statistic you might find interesting. According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in one survey, and who stayed married, rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later. In comparison, those who divorced and remarried, divorced again at a rate of 60 percent.
So, starting over may very well be the answer … as long as it’s with the same man.
In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus. “Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love” (Revelation 2:4). Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament and yet, somewhere along the way, they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.
And it is the same way in many marriages. Many men and women have forgotten their first love. Somewhere between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, folding the laundry…somewhere among the mundane routine of life, they’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’.
So how do you get it back? God gave the church two simple steps for the Bride of Christ to renew her passion for her Beloved, and I believe we can apply the same principles to renewing your passion for the man of your dreams.
Remember and Return
Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place? Remember how you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection? That may have been fifty pounds and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart. He wants to know if he still “has what it takes.” Let him know that he does.
Everyone loves a love story. Tell your children the story of how you first met and fell in love. Remember special days such as your first date, your first kiss, or when you first realized he was the man you wanted to marry.
Listen to a tape or watch a video of your wedding. Steve and I celebrate not only our wedding anniversary but also the day he asked me to marry him. I’m sure my son has tired of hearing the story time and time again, but he’s never doubted that his parents are crazy about each other.
Listen, if we tried to hang on to that “lovin’ feelin’” 24/7, it would be like continually popping a beach ball up in the air to try and keep it from touching the ground. On the other hand, we CAN commit to love 24/7. And while we’re at it, we can stir up some of that lovin’ feelin’ to go along with it.
Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, I so want to be a woman that is on fire for You. I want my spiritual passion to be ablaze and never cool. Likewise, I want my marriage to be a passionate example of Christ and the Church. Help me to always remember what drew me to my husband and show me ways to keep that love strong.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn
If you have kids, tell them the story of how you met and fell in love with your husband at the dinner table tonight.
If you aren’t married, tell someone how you met Jesus Christ and gave your life to Him.
If you are married, write down what drew you to your husband initially.
If you are not married, write down what you long for in the man of your dreams.
Today’s Truth
“Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love,” (Revelation 2:4 NIV).
Friend to Friend
“We’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’,” the guys crones on the radio. And I sit there and think to myself, “Stop whining man! Love’s not a feelin’ in the first place. That was your problem to being with!”
Now, that sounds a little cynical, I know. But can I be honest? I get so weary of people talking about falling in and out of love, like it is something you can turn off and on like an electric blanket to warm you up on a chilly night. Love is a commitment. I married my husband because I loved him. Now I love him because I married him. If we let our hearts be jerked around because how we’re feeling on any given day, then we’re headed on a never ending roller coaster ride that will leave us heart sick and soul sore. (I’m feeling feisty today. Can you tell?)
OK, so what do you do if you’ve “lost that lovin’ feelin’”? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were. Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now take them for granted. What do you do now?
Here’s a statistic you might find interesting. According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in one survey, and who stayed married, rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later. In comparison, those who divorced and remarried, divorced again at a rate of 60 percent.
So, starting over may very well be the answer … as long as it’s with the same man.
In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus. “Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love” (Revelation 2:4). Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament and yet, somewhere along the way, they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.
And it is the same way in many marriages. Many men and women have forgotten their first love. Somewhere between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, folding the laundry…somewhere among the mundane routine of life, they’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’.
So how do you get it back? God gave the church two simple steps for the Bride of Christ to renew her passion for her Beloved, and I believe we can apply the same principles to renewing your passion for the man of your dreams.
Remember and Return
Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place? Remember how you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection? That may have been fifty pounds and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart. He wants to know if he still “has what it takes.” Let him know that he does.
Everyone loves a love story. Tell your children the story of how you first met and fell in love. Remember special days such as your first date, your first kiss, or when you first realized he was the man you wanted to marry.
Listen to a tape or watch a video of your wedding. Steve and I celebrate not only our wedding anniversary but also the day he asked me to marry him. I’m sure my son has tired of hearing the story time and time again, but he’s never doubted that his parents are crazy about each other.
Listen, if we tried to hang on to that “lovin’ feelin’” 24/7, it would be like continually popping a beach ball up in the air to try and keep it from touching the ground. On the other hand, we CAN commit to love 24/7. And while we’re at it, we can stir up some of that lovin’ feelin’ to go along with it.
Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, I so want to be a woman that is on fire for You. I want my spiritual passion to be ablaze and never cool. Likewise, I want my marriage to be a passionate example of Christ and the Church. Help me to always remember what drew me to my husband and show me ways to keep that love strong.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn
If you have kids, tell them the story of how you met and fell in love with your husband at the dinner table tonight.
If you aren’t married, tell someone how you met Jesus Christ and gave your life to Him.
If you are married, write down what drew you to your husband initially.
If you are not married, write down what you long for in the man of your dreams.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Let our words be a blessing
This post if from a devotional by Sharon Jaynes over on the website Girlfriends in God. The focus is more towards women but I think its beneficial for everyone to read!
A Marriage Destroyed by Words
Today’s Truth
“Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word, nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it,” (Ephesians 4:29 Amplified).
Friend to Friend
I talked to a friend of mine about what went so wrong in his marriage that led to divorce. Girlfriend, we need to pay attention to his response.
“When I met Jona at the beach retreat,” Don explained, “I was struck by her vivacious, fun attitude. Oh and did I mention, she looked great in her purple bathing suit? (This is 20 years later and he still remembers the color!) She stole my heart and as soon as we got home from the retreat, I called and asked her out.”
I had always been a people pleaser. At first I was always trying to please my parents, then I moved to pleasing my friends, and when I met Jona, I always tried to please her as well. We were soon married and I couldn’t have been happier. She was so encouraging, loving, and supportive. After a few years of marriage and several poor financial decisions, I began to see her lose her respect for me. That was most evident in the words she spoke.”
“In the past everything I touched turned to gold. I was president of the student body, won athletic awards, and succeeded in business. As a result, I over promised to Jona and expected her to trust me. Jona was the one person I wanted approval from and the one person from whom I was not getting it. She grew frustrated, angry and bitter towards me. She also withdrew physically, which was the crowning blow to my manhood.”
Jona said things like, “If you cared about us, you wouldn’t make all these bad decisions, you’re a loser, you’re worthless.”
“I’m not putting all the blame of our past marriage problems on Jona. I was shooting for the moon instead of a ten yard gain. I was trying to hit a homerun instead of a base hit. But honestly, once I realized Jona had lost respect for me, I felt the marriage was over. Her words cut too deep and no bandage could stop the bleeding.”
I asked Don what could have made a difference and prevented the eventual separation and divorce.
“If she had said, ‘I’m with you, Don,’ or ‘Let’s work on this together’ or ‘How can I help?’ it would have made all the difference in the world. I didn’t feel like we were on the same team. Instead, she said, ‘If you don’t fix it, I will.’ Instead of constantly pointing out my failures, because believe me, I knew what they were, encouraging words would have made all the difference.”
“At one point,” Don said with tears in his eyes, “I found a list of 80 things that Jona didn’t like about me and 3 things she did like. That list broke my heart. She had no intention of me finding the list, but I happened across it one day when I was looking for something. That was the final nail in the coffin. Jona had nothing but disdain for me. A marriage without respect is no marriage. I saw no hope.”
After Don and Jona’s divorce, he met a woman who gave him all the adoration and encouragement that his wife had not. She was gentle, soft spoken, affectionate, hung on his shoulder, smiled at him, and was very affirming. Her beautiful spirit was a breath of fresh air.
“Don,” I asked, “what advice do you have for a woman who is withholding encouraging words or perhaps cutting her husband down with critical jabs?”
“I don’t think any single thing takes away a man’s strength of character more than the loss of respect,” he said. “Don’t dwell on his weakness, but dwell on the positives. Men are in a fight for our lives. We are at war mentally. We’re out there trying to conquer the world. A man needs to know that home is a safe place to be instead of feeling like you’re leaving one battle for another.”
Maybe you have not been giving encouraging words to your husband lately? Perhaps it has been so long you’ve forgotten how? I hope Don’s and Jona’s story stirs your heart to build up that man of yours and become the woman of his dreams.
Think back to when you were dating. What did you admire about that young man that captured your heart? Look for an opportunity to praise him, but make sure it is genuine. Find one attribute, character trait or task that he does well and begin there. If you are out of practice, this may be difficult at first. But I can promise you, it will become easier with time, especially when you see the results on your husband’s face and his attitude towards you.
Let’s Pray
Lord, oh how easy it is to see my husband’s flaws and ignore my own. Help me to use my words to plant seeds of love and encouragement and not weeds of bitterness and discouragement. I commit this very day to not use my words to tear my man down, but only to build him up. Help me to be like Job and put my hand over my mouth if any negative words attempt to escape my lips (Job 40:4).
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn
Are you feeling brave? Really brave?
If so, look up the following verses: [Proverbs 11:22; 19:13; 25:24; 21:19; 27:15-16]
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Marriage for God's glory
I've decided that I want to start sending out a link every week with an article and/or video about marriage...so if any of you have a good link, send it to me and I'll make sure to post it! :)
Here's the one for this week:
I know its a little long, but its a good one and definitely worth the read.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
One Liners
From Janine Petry at Thriving Family
I don't have a problem with respect — it's showing respect to my husband that I can't quite get the hang of.
Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favorite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we're talking like these leading ladies.
Here are some ways we show disrespect:
Witty one-liners are clever ways to get the last word. Example: "You can tell me how hard work is after you birth three children."
Sarcasm uses mocking words to strike at him personally. Example: "That's your best idea yet; got any more?"
Misplaced laughter ridicules him, whether or not he's around. Example: "He actually thinks those look good together."
Demeaning reminders imply a lack of trust. Example: "So are we actually going to see you on time today?"
I've come to understand that the phrase "Women need love and men need respect" is more than just a slogan — it's Scripture (Ephesians 5:33). So I try to use encouraging words to show my husband respect. The opportunities are endless, and my words have the potential to empower my husband to be more of the man God wants him to be. When I'm sincere and he accepts my words, our marriage is strengthened.
Here's how I've been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I start with prayer, asking God to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honor for the husband God gave me.
These alternatives show respect:
Ask questions: Give him a chance to express himself. Example: "What made work so difficult today?"
Keep it simple: Make clear statements about issues. Example: "I'm not sure that's going to work. Are there any other options?"
Encourage: Choose words that highlight his individuality. Example: "I love that he's daring enough to wear that."
Tell the truth: Express concerns and affirm positive changes. Example: "It's been really hard for us when you're late; I appreciate you making the effort to get home earlier."
I show respect to my husband because God brought up the subject. It's His way of leading me into a marriage that is blessed as it reflects the loving relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Marriage has a purpose far greater than my husband's and my relationship. Our unity expressed in love and respect is nothing short of God's witness to the world of His great love.
I don't have a problem with respect — it's showing respect to my husband that I can't quite get the hang of.
Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favorite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we're talking like these leading ladies.
Here are some ways we show disrespect:
Witty one-liners are clever ways to get the last word. Example: "You can tell me how hard work is after you birth three children."
Sarcasm uses mocking words to strike at him personally. Example: "That's your best idea yet; got any more?"
Misplaced laughter ridicules him, whether or not he's around. Example: "He actually thinks those look good together."
Demeaning reminders imply a lack of trust. Example: "So are we actually going to see you on time today?"
I've come to understand that the phrase "Women need love and men need respect" is more than just a slogan — it's Scripture (Ephesians 5:33). So I try to use encouraging words to show my husband respect. The opportunities are endless, and my words have the potential to empower my husband to be more of the man God wants him to be. When I'm sincere and he accepts my words, our marriage is strengthened.
Here's how I've been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I start with prayer, asking God to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honor for the husband God gave me.
These alternatives show respect:
Ask questions: Give him a chance to express himself. Example: "What made work so difficult today?"
Keep it simple: Make clear statements about issues. Example: "I'm not sure that's going to work. Are there any other options?"
Encourage: Choose words that highlight his individuality. Example: "I love that he's daring enough to wear that."
Tell the truth: Express concerns and affirm positive changes. Example: "It's been really hard for us when you're late; I appreciate you making the effort to get home earlier."
I show respect to my husband because God brought up the subject. It's His way of leading me into a marriage that is blessed as it reflects the loving relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Marriage has a purpose far greater than my husband's and my relationship. Our unity expressed in love and respect is nothing short of God's witness to the world of His great love.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Look to God, Not your Spouse
This is from Crosswalk.com by Dr. Gary Smalley
When my wife stopped fighting me about my obsession toward work, as well as other issues, she unleashed a powerful force in my life, though neither of us understood it at the time.
Independent of me, Norma learned how to get in line and bring her needs to God. Rather than complain to me, she prayed, "Lord, thank you that all I need is you. You know I want a good relationship with Gary and that I want him to spend more time at home. You also know that I'm not very strong physically. I'm so tired that I don't feel I can last much longer under this strain. I'm coming to you with these requests because I know that if I need Gary at home, you can make it happen. Or you can take away my desire for him to be home. I'm going to stop fighting Gary and instead ask you either to change him or to meet my needs in some other way."
To find God's fulfillment, Norma took steps similar to those I later discovered. She stopped expecting life from me and started looking to God. She realized I not only would not, but could not, energize her life, so she went to the source of life and asked Him to energize her.
The results were startling. I noticed the change almost immediately. When I came home from work, I sensed a calm spirit in our house. Norma's face was peaceful, no longer tense. Instead of the usual harsh words, her conversation was quiet and she was more interested in asking me how my day had gone that in relating her activities with the children.
It was in that context that Norma talked to me about her need for help. A few days later, I couldn't keep from asking what had happened. "Gary, I got tired of fighting you," she explained calmly. "I realized that I wasn't trusting God concerning our marriage and family, and so I decided to stop complaining and start praying. I've told God that I would like you to spend more time at home, and if I really need that, I know God will make the necessary changes."
Imagine what that did to me. I was instantly convicted that my priorities were wrong. And that wasn't all. Because Norma had changed, I wanted to spend more time at home. That was the week I asked Bill to change my job so I could spend more time meeting my family's needs.
What Norma did summarizes the conclusion of the first four chapters of this book. She stopped looking to people, things, and her work, and turned instead to a trustworthy God who answers the persistent prayers of His children. God promises life -- and God delivers!
Some may think Norma just disguised her selfishness by asking God to change me instead of nagging me to change. I disagree. I encourage wives to ask God for a good relationship with their husbands and children. That request is not selfish. A good relationship benefits not only the wife, but the entire family, the Christian community, and ultimately our nation and the entire world. It also glorifies God, because a godly marriage is a picture of our relationship with Jesus Christ (see Ephesians 5:22-25).
Once we're into the habit of seeking fulfillment from the world, we won't learn overnight to look to God as the source of life. It took Norma and me several years before looking to the Lord became our natural, first response, and we still catch ourselves focusing on someone or something other than God.
When my wife stopped fighting me about my obsession toward work, as well as other issues, she unleashed a powerful force in my life, though neither of us understood it at the time.
Independent of me, Norma learned how to get in line and bring her needs to God. Rather than complain to me, she prayed, "Lord, thank you that all I need is you. You know I want a good relationship with Gary and that I want him to spend more time at home. You also know that I'm not very strong physically. I'm so tired that I don't feel I can last much longer under this strain. I'm coming to you with these requests because I know that if I need Gary at home, you can make it happen. Or you can take away my desire for him to be home. I'm going to stop fighting Gary and instead ask you either to change him or to meet my needs in some other way."
To find God's fulfillment, Norma took steps similar to those I later discovered. She stopped expecting life from me and started looking to God. She realized I not only would not, but could not, energize her life, so she went to the source of life and asked Him to energize her.
The results were startling. I noticed the change almost immediately. When I came home from work, I sensed a calm spirit in our house. Norma's face was peaceful, no longer tense. Instead of the usual harsh words, her conversation was quiet and she was more interested in asking me how my day had gone that in relating her activities with the children.
It was in that context that Norma talked to me about her need for help. A few days later, I couldn't keep from asking what had happened. "Gary, I got tired of fighting you," she explained calmly. "I realized that I wasn't trusting God concerning our marriage and family, and so I decided to stop complaining and start praying. I've told God that I would like you to spend more time at home, and if I really need that, I know God will make the necessary changes."
Imagine what that did to me. I was instantly convicted that my priorities were wrong. And that wasn't all. Because Norma had changed, I wanted to spend more time at home. That was the week I asked Bill to change my job so I could spend more time meeting my family's needs.
What Norma did summarizes the conclusion of the first four chapters of this book. She stopped looking to people, things, and her work, and turned instead to a trustworthy God who answers the persistent prayers of His children. God promises life -- and God delivers!
Some may think Norma just disguised her selfishness by asking God to change me instead of nagging me to change. I disagree. I encourage wives to ask God for a good relationship with their husbands and children. That request is not selfish. A good relationship benefits not only the wife, but the entire family, the Christian community, and ultimately our nation and the entire world. It also glorifies God, because a godly marriage is a picture of our relationship with Jesus Christ (see Ephesians 5:22-25).
Once we're into the habit of seeking fulfillment from the world, we won't learn overnight to look to God as the source of life. It took Norma and me several years before looking to the Lord became our natural, first response, and we still catch ourselves focusing on someone or something other than God.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Affair Proofing Your Marriage
This came from Lysa Terkeurt's blog. She is the president of Proverbs 31 ministries, as well as a bestselling author.
"Charles Spurgeon is quoted to have said, “It’s not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.”
When my husband and I got married we had a tough time transitioning from being two strong-willed independent people into a unified couple. We didn’t have huge marriage issues to overcome — we had a lot of little everyday annoyances that started to chip away at the foundation of our relationship.
Slowly, we stopped seeing all we had and started focusing on all that was lacking in each other.
Honestly, enjoying each other got lost in all the efforts to fix each other. If you’ve ever been in this place with a relationship, you know how disillusioning it can be. You know how it can open your marriage up to a world of attack and the temptation to think, “Did I marry the wrong person? I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.”
One day I was pouring my heart out to God in utter frustration. I desperately wanted to get off the hamster wheel of aggravation we seemed to be stuck on. We just kept going around and around with what was lacking in our relationship but never made any effort to progress in doing something right.
As I was praying, an idea popped into my head… The Love Jar Activity.
This would be an activity where each of us would have a jar with 5 slips of paper inside. Art would write one thing on each of his papers that I could do for him that would speak love to him. And I would do the same with my papers.
Then we’d switch jars and once a week for 5 weeks straight, we’d draw a piece of paper from each other’s jar. Whatever that paper suggested, we’d do that special thing for the other person sometime during that week.
Of course, we established some parameters going into the game that fit our schedules and budget. And I can’t say Art was jumping up and down when I introduced this idea to him… but eventually he warmed up to the idea and in the end wound up loving it!
As the weeks went on this simple activity did 3 crucial things in our relationship…
1. It reintroduced a sense of fun that had gotten lost in the minutia of life.
2. It taught us how important it is to be a life long student of your mate… Really seeking to understand how this other person receives love and needs to be loved.
3. It reminded us that love is a choice. We can’t rely on “that loving feeling” to always find us… we have to choose love and let the feelings follow.
Honestly, I think this simple activity did more to help recapture the love in our relationship than anything else we could have done in this really tough season."
She goes on to mention two different books of hers: Capture Her Heart for the guys, and Capture His Heart for the girls.
"Charles Spurgeon is quoted to have said, “It’s not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.”
When my husband and I got married we had a tough time transitioning from being two strong-willed independent people into a unified couple. We didn’t have huge marriage issues to overcome — we had a lot of little everyday annoyances that started to chip away at the foundation of our relationship.
Slowly, we stopped seeing all we had and started focusing on all that was lacking in each other.
Honestly, enjoying each other got lost in all the efforts to fix each other. If you’ve ever been in this place with a relationship, you know how disillusioning it can be. You know how it can open your marriage up to a world of attack and the temptation to think, “Did I marry the wrong person? I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.”
One day I was pouring my heart out to God in utter frustration. I desperately wanted to get off the hamster wheel of aggravation we seemed to be stuck on. We just kept going around and around with what was lacking in our relationship but never made any effort to progress in doing something right.
As I was praying, an idea popped into my head… The Love Jar Activity.
This would be an activity where each of us would have a jar with 5 slips of paper inside. Art would write one thing on each of his papers that I could do for him that would speak love to him. And I would do the same with my papers.
Then we’d switch jars and once a week for 5 weeks straight, we’d draw a piece of paper from each other’s jar. Whatever that paper suggested, we’d do that special thing for the other person sometime during that week.
Of course, we established some parameters going into the game that fit our schedules and budget. And I can’t say Art was jumping up and down when I introduced this idea to him… but eventually he warmed up to the idea and in the end wound up loving it!
As the weeks went on this simple activity did 3 crucial things in our relationship…
1. It reintroduced a sense of fun that had gotten lost in the minutia of life.
2. It taught us how important it is to be a life long student of your mate… Really seeking to understand how this other person receives love and needs to be loved.
3. It reminded us that love is a choice. We can’t rely on “that loving feeling” to always find us… we have to choose love and let the feelings follow.
Honestly, I think this simple activity did more to help recapture the love in our relationship than anything else we could have done in this really tough season."
She goes on to mention two different books of hers: Capture Her Heart for the guys, and Capture His Heart for the girls.
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